thoughts dot dot dot

So MattBry once told me that it was easy to be my friend...easier to be my friend than my ex-bf's friend (so I won)...easier to be my friend than some of his (matt's) other friends (who were soon to be exfriends) and there was still me (still friend).

The level of friend difficulty seemingly correlates to the level of drama, which made me wonder why I was so drama-free. Why am I not dramatic? (how am I not myself?) Is this what makes me dude-approved? (so tired of dude's night)


(thankyou clay for calling me a lady although not a lady.)
[-settled-]

thoughts lead to other thoughts.
Easy because I have few requirements. Explanation:
so maybe you hurt my feelings (and let's pretend I even realize that's what's going on)
(indifference makes this hard),
then I say nothing because THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY. you can do what you want. there is nothing forbidding you from doing so, no natural or man-made law. To what argument may I appeal? none. all is fair in love and friendship and war (which means to say emotional matters).

is there an acceptable (perhaps expected) role/scale of logic in emotion. and when we fight (at least some of the time) the logic to emotion ratios do not match? and this is miscommunication. (partially)

these are the things I don't understand. change of train, because this one is headed nowhere. good.

but but BUT BUT... then I realized that I don't really have to accept these things. I have the right to let you know that I don't approve of whatever thing it is that you are doing, saying (to me, around me) that I don't like. I suppose, then, I take the risk of losing your friendship. but if we were really really truly friends then that seems a bit redonk. then again, if your level of difficulty becomes too high, then friendship is found to not be worth it?

so there is some fear involved. but I think you should go for it anyway. the telling of things.



so I raised a little fuss with mattbry and he probably thinks that his phone call made amends.
it didn't really.
I can't think (what I mean is feel) the same anymore.

anyway, this wasn't supposed to be about matt. I wanted to talk about indifference and resolutions and being a negative buddha and the loss of art (creation) as destruction of person (heart). more important conclusions in the guise of ramblings (hopefully) to come (as they come to my brain).

for now
I will make a cute rhyme:
loss of art is the destruction of heart.